People often tell me how envious they are that I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. They tell me how great we are together etc. etc. They wish they could find someone to be with long term. One thing people don't see is that we were FRIENDS first :) We built a strong bond and foundation for our relationship to grow.
One thing people do not realize is that relationships can be very Stressful. They take a lot of work from BOTH ends. What I'm saying is, you can be in a relationship and work hard to look nice, behave yourself, understand the person, support them, show them how much you love them etc. BUT at the end of the day, you may not get anything in return from the other person.
The sex may be great, they may buy you things and occasionally cuddle. They may do sweet things every once in a blue moon (as I wrote this particular part, a woman in blue jeans bent over in front of my face to talk to her child. Blue Moon indeed. Ahem.) but they may not put in the same amount of effort in the relationship especially in areas needing attention.
This can be very stressful. This is the moment when you need to TAKE A STEP BACK and FOCUS ON YOURSELF, your GOALS, and making YOURSELF happy. Don't worry about "What if he/she leaves me because they think I'm too into my own things?" The answer is, Weren't they doing their own things while you were trying to be there for them? If they can have "me time", so can you. If they complain, they have issues. They like when you chase after them while they neglect you.
Ladies and Gentlemen, you both need to put in the work for the relationship to.... Work. Plain and simple. One person carrying a relationship is NOT healthy. If you both work together, the stress is spread evenly. You don't have to feel like you're dealing with life alone if you communicate with your significant other. They should help you through it and you should help them through theirs.
And again, if this person is not putting forth any real effort into your relationship, focus on yourself. Just doing this may make them realize they should be more attentive to you and your needs. If not, maybe you need to be alone or find someonewho will treat you right.
ABOVE ALL, be deserving of someone's love. By this I mean, Don't be a B**ch and expect to be treated like a Queen.
I find that too many see the word "Friend" as a death sentence in regard to a relationship starter but if a man cannot be my friend first then I how can he expect me to believe he will ever make a good significant other. I feel a women/men need time to feel each other out in friendship terms for as long as she/he needs before just plunging into an intimate relationship. I know not everyone will agree but those are my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. Jumping into intimate relationships can increase the odds of the relationship not working. Too many people think its enough for a person to be attractive but they fail to think about the things that actually matter.
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